May 11, 2023 – BREAKING NEWS, WORLD NEWS
Having been well and truly crowned over the weekend, King Charles will spend the next few days packing up all of his royal pieces to be kept in the Buckingham Palace attic until the next time they’re needed.
Charles is said to be an « expert » at putting away his coronation decorations and has employed several useful crown jewel tricks such as tucking the Sovereign Orb into his crown to save space at the top of his wardrobe and vacuum sealing his robes and vestments until they crush into a solid block of fabric and gems at hand.
« Now where the fuck is this damn thing stored? » murmured the new King, trying to find a suitable home for the Scepter Ruler in the crawl space of his attic.
“Camilla, pass me the next jar of jewels, please? Upon my word, every year I wonder if we need half of this stuff. I mean, look at this thing, it’s cost the taxpayers millions and we barely use it. Would you miss it if you threw it away? Or maybe there’s a charity shop we could take it to. How much do you think they’d give us for this? Oh look, let’s put it all here for now and let William handle it in a few years. Now hold the base of the Staighre there, the spring is wobbly and has been known to fly up on its own. »
Annoyingly, Charles later discovered another multi-million pound jewel-encrusted Coronation thingy on the mantelpiece just after he thought it had all been put away.
« Fuck it, he can stay there, » he mumbled.
