June 23, 2023 – BREAKING NEWS, WORLD NEWS
IF you thought the OceanGate tragedy would serve as a warning to billionaires about the dangers of risking life and limb for the kind of experience that costs more than most proles’ homes, think again; in fact, hundreds of the richest people in the world have expressed an interest in being pulverized by the pressures of the unfathomable abyss.
“Being someone who lost their life while traveling the depths of the ocean in a metal tube controlled by a third-party Xbox joystick is currently the most exclusive club in the world,” explained an expert on the unexplained behavior of billionaires.
“Far from scaring these men, by the way they are almost 100% men, it instead started a conversation about what is the most appropriate way for a billionaire to die. These are people who are taking life to the next level, and suddenly the thought of dying at home as an old person surrounded by loved ones is no longer appealing. If five extremely wealthy people can be immortalized by being squished together into the size of a Kinder Surprise egg, then the question becomes « how do I die? ». Falling off Everest? Did your gene-edited monkey butler bite your face off? Who can die better?”.
At the same time, OceanGate will continue to conduct its own expeditions to the wreck of the Titanic, even as advertising and reviews on Tripadvisor now boast that the voyage offers the most authentic experience imaginable of the doomed liner.
In fact, « You probably never thought you’d be able to add your name to the list of bodies resting on the ocean floor alongside the most famous ship in history, but man, are you so wrong! » is presented as the company’s new sales pitch.
