June 7, 2023 – BREAKING NEWS, LIFESTYLE, uplifting viral content
SMART PHONE covers can reveal a lot about their owners and let people know what kind of human you are, what you like, and your current relationship status, but the following device protectors scream « I’m a happily married mother. »
The old reliable
Discourage an entire galaxy of beings from chatting to you with this little beauty. Choosing this puke pink color is sure to let the universe know that you’ve just changed the beds, hoovered the carpets and spent hours of your evenings arguing with strangers in the comment sections of the Daily Mail.
This phone case/wallet is perfect for storing useless business cards, tatty photos of deceased relatives, the weekly lotto numbers you never deviate from and the cheapest Samsung smartphone you can buy at Tesco. This particular cover should be kept until the end of its life when its frayed appearance resembles a chewed-up Chernobyl slipper before being scrapped in favor of an identical new version, perfect for mothers over 35.
Mommying it a little
If you don’t want to become a full mum just yet, then this wallet style phone is ideal for mummies who still consider themselves delightful. Take advantage of the foldable panel as it hides your phone screen from your spouse as you hover over the love button on your personal trainer’s latest shirtless abs selfie on Instagram before bailing out.
Perfect for first-time moms who still hold on to their youth and fantasize about what life would be like without kids and a husband.
No, seriously, fuck you: I’m happily married and I’ll slit your throat if you dare come near me
Making the effort to print your entire family on your phone will really send home the message that you are a respected and busy mother who adores her husband and children.
No protection for your screen here, this open screen phone cover is ideal for deterring even the most ambitious advances when left face down on a bar or pub table. Silence your husband’s fears by leaving your phone unlocked and screen-up when you use the bathroom, safe in the knowledge that there are no incriminating messages or images stored on this device.
Join us next week as we pick out the best phone cases to disguise your affection for sadistic satanic rituals.
