RUSSIAN leader Vladimir Putin immediately expressed his considerable grief that his name was mentioned in connection with the catastrophic dam destruction in Nova Kakhovka, Ukraine.
“You bomb some hospitals, steal food, kidnap children and then suddenly you’re blamed for everything in the blink of an eye. Is this what people think of me? That I would risk drowning 42,000 people along the Dnipro River and further endanger the Zaporizhzhia Nuclear Power Plant which is cooled by these waters? said a weary Putin, his lip trembling in his shock.
Putin has denied taking a « gotta catch ’em all » approach to war crimes by targeting a dam that directly contravenes the Geneva Convention.
“Just because you’re a strongman doesn’t mean words don’t hurt you,” Putin said as he collapsed into the arms of a nearby military general.
Confused Kremlin officials were then forced to agree with Putin despite being in the room several months ago when he gave the green light for the targeted attack.
« I totally agree, and I’m not saying this just because I’m aware there are several open windows nearby, » confirmed a Kremlin official, sweat now beading his Slavic bulb.