Meta UNFAZED CEO Mark Zuckerberg showed no reaction when he casually tacked his company’s latest data breach fine on his refrigerator door with a new « Visit to Hawaii » magnet before asking wife Priscilla to remind him to pay the balances it owes during the year.
The social media giant has been hit with a record €1.2 billion fine from Ireland’s reluctant Data Protection Commission (DPC) for transferring European users’ data to the US, a financial blow the 39-year-old is willing to face his unnaturally regular, baby chin.
“Honey, did we pay the last four hundred million dollars in January? I don’t remember if I paid that or those three hundred million one in November? Zuck asked, now wondering where he left his VR headset, seemingly indifferent to the fact that he has racked up nearly three billion dollars in data fines since GDPR rules were introduced in 2018.
“No, it’s fine, honey, it’s just tiny little mandates from the Europeans,” he replied to his wife’s question if the fines were high enough to worry them, “we made one hundred and sixteen billion last year; we’re not going to start buying our own brand groceries yet lol,” she joked, wondering now whether he should wear the latest Oculus to work, or the older one with the really cool googly eyes on them that “everyone in the office loves.”
Generating more than $400 million a day from user tracking around the world, including the now illegal tracking of EU citizens, Zuckerberg wondered whether this latest record fine could actually turn into something more significant one day, as a balance that could actually hurt the company’s revenues.
“Don’t be silly, Mark,” he reassured himself before plugging his earpiece into the back of his limo to work watching some mixed reality hentai porn, “you know too much about all those in charge to dare to challenge you like that – you man, Friend!